Relaxation and the Autistic Child

How to support an autistic child relax

Autism is a complex condition, and for many children, daily life can feel overwhelming. Social expectations, unpredictable environments, and sensory overload often place autistic children in a constant state of heightened anxiety. And when a child is anxious or upset, it becomes almost impossible for them to think clearly, self-regulate, or follow instructions.

So when we tell a child to “calm down”, how can they do that if they’ve never actually been taught how it feels to be calm?

Why teaching relaxation is essential

After over 35 years of working with children, and more than 25 years teaching relaxation, I’ve seen first-hand how powerful these tools can be. Learning to relax isn’t just a nice idea — it’s a lifeline. It is essential to managing life – especially for an autistic child.

Benefits of relaxation for autistic children:

• Reduces anxiety and emotional overwhelm
• Improves sleep and energy levels
• Lowers heart rate and blood pressure
• Enhances ability to think clearly and respond calmly
• Boosts confidence and self-esteem
• Provides vital tools for self-regulation in times of upset

Relaxation time can become a shared experience between child and adult. When a parent or teacher models calmness, the child absorbs that energy. A calm adult really does help create a calmer child.

How to support your child to relax:

1. Start with yourself – Children are incredibly sensitive to adult energy. Make sure you are calm and centred before beginning. Model deep, slow breathing and relaxed behaviour. Set clear and positive expectations: “In relaxation time, we lie still and listen quietly.” Use visuals and routines to reinforce the structure.

2. Be clear and consistent – Explain what’s going to happen, where, for how long, and what “good relaxing” looks like. Avoid “don’t” instructions — instead, focus on what to do: “Relaxing means lying still for 5 minutes with soft breathing.”

3. Create a calm space -Set up a special area that’s free from stimulation — no screens, clutter, or background noise. Use pillows, fleece blankets, soft lighting, and a familiar scent like lavender (if tolerated). Some children enjoy helping set up the space, which gives them ownership and involvement.

4. Use routine and repetition – Children with autism often find comfort in predictability. Use the same time of day, same music, same scents, and same setup. Over time, this builds a strong association: “This is my calm space.”

5. Incorporate music and visualisations – If your child tolerates sound, gentle ambient music can help block out distractions and support focus. Visualisation or guided meditation audios can also be powerful — choose those with soft voices and simple, soothing narratives. (Try Relax Kids audios)

6. Keep sessions short and gentle – Begin with just 2–5 minutes and build up slowly. Always model what you want to see: lie down, stay still, breathe slowly. Avoid standing or moving during sessions — your calm presence matters.

7. Teach specific relaxation skills – Children may need to learn how to: Breathe slowly through the nose Let their body go floppy (instead of rigid) Get comfortable using cushions or props Demonstrate these calmly before the session starts or during quiet moments.

Helpful Extras

Essential oils like lavender or bergamot (in a diffuser) can support relaxation — but always check sensory preferences first.

Touch-based therapies, like gentle massage or simply holding a soft toy or fabric, can be grounding. Check what your child responds to best — deep pressure, soft stroking, weighted blankets, or none of the above.

Try this exercise:

Bubble Breathing – Imagine you’re blowing a big bubble. Take a slow breath in through your nose (count to 3). Blow out slowly through your mouth — like you’re gently blowing a bubble. Repeat 5 times, watching your “imaginary bubble” float away with each breath. Tip: You can use an actual bubble wand or pinwheel for visual feedback.

And finally……

There’s no one-size-fits-all method. Every child is different. What works today may need tweaking tomorrow — and that’s OK. Whether you practice together before bedtime, during the day, or after school, the key is to keep going. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. It’s worth the effort.

Try the Quiet Spaces audio

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